thoughts

thoughts thoughts thoughts

should i be happy?

should i be happy or what?

i know you still like him and i cant do something about that.

so scared of losing you. what if one day he comes back? who will you choose? 

i just want you to do one thing, tell me that you're mine.

And here she comes

*read this last*

Ma, i know you're reading this now. I want to tell you how

much you mean to me. they may say bad   things about you, criticize you, or even gossip about you but this I promise you, the world may turn its back on you but I won't. Thank you for 

making me feel this way because of you I want to know how does it feel to love and to be in love again. 

I may not be your ideal guy but i will do my best to be the best guy for you.

cheesy isn't it?

 thank you for reading :)

chi :)

Crazy

WHY AM I ACTING THIS WAY? :(  I'm irritated with myself

Oh, Jealousy

Damn, day after day we become closer  but I don't even have a clue what am I to you. One thing I'm sure about is that you like someone else. I want to pretend that everything is okay but shit, it's so painful :( I thought my feelings for you were fading away but i guess not, My attraction towards you just keep getting stronger everyday. And now I just cant let go because I know you're attached but until when I can pretend? It hurts me alot :( 

I Gave Up?

One time we are chatting and there suddenly I told her that I liked her and I'm confessing to her because what i feel would also be gone at some point. There she suddenly asked some things about my past relationships and I asked her about the guy who is courting her right now. At first it seem so awkward but I guess I need to be here knowing she is thankful that I'm here for her. Though it hurts, I think being her friend is a must cause I know she feels lonely. I want to cry but why should I, I don't even weigh a lot to her. So here am I waiting for me to realize what I must do. Until then I'll be faking these smiles.

The First Rejection

Day after day we chatted, i have asked about her favorite color, food, movie, music or anything that I could relate her to. Then one morning she asked me if I have a different intention, if my answer is yes, it can't be, if my answer is no, she thought so. I told her that answering her reply wasn't required I asked her why were those her answers first, she likes someone else. I know it hurts a lot, but what can I do, nothing. Feeling so sad I need to fake things up, pretending to be happy, putting all those laughing smileys and "hahaha"s. Still, why am i so dumb pushing myself to her knowing the situation is. There it started, Every message's emotion is faked and pretentious.